How to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence
We have all had or known of a manager that lacked empathy. They show little emotion when employees are dealing with home issues, sicknesses, or have had a friend or relative pass, and they don’t quite understand the proper way to address these emotions or grief. They tend to say things that come off as disconnected or rude, or oftentimes, don’t say anything at all. And not to say that managers should act like therapists, but there is something to be said for a manager or employer that shows empathy and cares about what is going on in their employees’ lives. An employer that has emotional intelligence is the type of employer that you want to work for, and you know cares about your well-being.
Although most would believe emotional intelligence to be showing very little emotion at all times, that’s not it at all. Having emotional intelligence means to have a very strong understanding of your own emotions while also being aware of others’ as well, and knowing how to properly manage all emotional situations (uncomfortable or not). It’s like a switch, and an emotionally intelligent manager will know exactly when they should flip that switch from being detached and unemotional to be empathetic with their employees, based on the circumstances that they encounter.
Typically, an employer or individual that has mastered emotional intelligence will be well-liked and in turn, will have built stronger relationships with their employees. It is statistically proven that emotional intelligence is directly linked to success and that is exactly why. If an employer has formed strong relationships with his or her employees, then their employees will feel respected and appreciated, and want to stay around much longer than if they had an employer that doesn’t.
Emotional intelligence is a topic we were recently introduced to within the business world and something that not many business professionals have mastered quite yet. So, to help you master emotional intelligence, I laid out a few tips that will help you get there:
• Pay attention to non-verbal cues.
A lot of us are too stubborn to admit that we are going through tough times and don’t like to show our weaknesses, especially in a professional setting. Pay close attention to your employees’ traits and non-verbal cues from day one, then if they happen to seem a little off for a few consecutive days, you will know to address it. Showing that you care and pay close attention to the behavior of your employees, will only make them feel more appreciated and valued. Even if they’re just having an off week and losing sleep due to their restless 2-year-old at home, they will appreciate you being concerned for their well-being and paying close enough attention to them to notice a their difference in behavior; this speaks volumes to employees.
• Listen AND think before you speak.
This is something that a lot of us lack the ability to do and need to train ourselves on. The key to strong emotional intelligence is not always needing to voice your opinion or get your two-cents in. Listen and take everything in before you even feel the urge to respond. We tend to misunderstand or misjudge circumstances and conversations when we don’t listen fully and are automatically on the “defense”. Practice assuming the best in every situation, what I call being on “offense”, and you will be more receptive to information, less hostile, and more emotionally intelligent.
• Take negative feedback like a champ.
Easier said than done. None of us like constructive criticism, but the easiest way to fix any issues that arise in a workplace is to ask for constructive criticism from your employees or those with an outside view. How you respond to this feedback determines just how emotionally intelligent you are. Take the feedback from your employees and run with it. And if the consensus is that the issue lies within your wrongdoing or your control, own up to it and make an effort to change it. This means no excuses. No defensive behavior. And no blaming others. Like I said, easier said than done. But when put into practice, it is extremely effective in getting to the root of any problem and resolving it immediately.
• Be completely transparent with your employees.
This goes along with my last point of taking constructive criticism like a champ but is so much more. Being transparent and authentic with your employees means that you aren’t “sugar coating” any feedback that you give them, and of course being able to accept personal feedback, too. Now, I’m not saying be ruthless to your employees, but a little honesty never hurt anyone. And if it does, they probably weren’t the right ones for the job, anyway. If you can set your pride aside in all professional aspects, and offer honest feedback to your entire team and also accept it, you are more likely to be respected and appreciated.
• My final point: Show a little empathy.
If you ask someone to define empathy, chances are they will give you the wrong answer. Empathy often isn’t talked about in the workplace like it should be. Being empathetic doesn’t mean to agree or side with someone, but instead, understand where they are coming from. Ever heard the saying “Walk a mile someone else’s shoes?” that is exactly what empathy is. You don’t need to cater to every single person’s needs, but you should be able to understand where they are coming from. Showing empathy is as easy as listening to what has been going on in someone’s life and trying to offer them a piece of advice or just kind words to help them through it. Take 5 minutes of your time to show an employee that has been having a hard time that you do care about them. Those 5 minutes are the difference between an unappreciated employee and a valued employee and will make a world of a difference.
Practice these 5 steps to become more emotionally intelligent in your professional and personal life, and you will be well on your way to becoming an even better leader and will also be able to build stronger relationships with anyone you come into contact with. Over the next few months, I also want you to carefully examine your employee retention rates while you practice improving your emotional intelligence, to see just how strong of an impact it has on the employee experience. If you can focus on becoming more emotionally intelligent and also training all other leaders in your office to do the same, you will notice a huge improvement in your team’s communication and collaboration skills, and a complete shift in the workplace culture.